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Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Travel Alone Together: Don't do What's "Natural"

Shortly before dawn, Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, because they all saw him and were terrified. ~ Mark 6:48b-50

As we strive to travel alone together, we discover that we each have individual tendencies. There is a part of this equation that we like better than the other, a way of doing things that makes us comfortable. Usually, whatever our tendency, it is the way of doing things works best when climbing mountains. It is the way we work to meet and overcome our goals.

Some of us tend to be solo players. We are good at working alone, at traveling without support or assistance. Others of us are more team players. We prefer the group effort, the way of doing things that doesn’t leave us alone to sort through our problems. We each have a natural way of doing things that works when we climb mountains, but sometimes in the desert, we must let go of what is comfortable and do the opposite.

As I’ve said before, Jesus was a master at traveling alone together. He was able to balance what the people want of him and what he needs to be able to serve them. His disciples are not so good at it. They never know what is right for them, or right for Jesus. They are terrified by the “unnatural,” by the things that force them out of their comfort zone and into uncharted territories.

But sometimes, in the desert of change, we must do the opposite of what is natural. If we are good at being alone, sometimes we need to find support from others. If we are good at being part of a group and asking for advice, sometimes we need to find some space away from others. So often in the desert we respond without thinking, and when we do that, it is always with what is natural. A better idea is to ask, “what is really required here?” Do you need time and space away to do some soul searching, or do you need the help, advice, and support of others?

As a congregation, we need to ask ourselves, “What is our default tendency as a congregation? And what is really required of us in this time?” Do we need to take a step back from others and think about our compass heading and our egos, or do we need to hear from others that we are going to make it, that we are prayed for, that others have survived as well? The truth is, we need both, the trick is figuring out WHEN we need each of these things, so that we can successfully travel alone together.

Food for Thought
* What is your tendency in desert times? Do you prefer the alone part, or the together part? What is it like to step outside that comfort zone and purposefully seek the opposite?

* What do you think CRLC’s tendency is? Are we a congregation who does it ourselves, or a congregation that relies on others? Do you think that is helping us or hurting us during this transition?

* How might we, as a congregation, step outside our “normal” tendency to take advantage of the opposite side of traveling alone together?

Friday, 03 September 2010

Travel Alone Together

When evening came, the boat was out on the sea, and [Jesus] was alone on the land. When he saw that they were straining with the oars against an adverse wind, he came toward them early in the morning, walking on the sea. ~ Mark 6:47-48

In their desert travels, Mr. Donahue and his friends learned that sometimes, traveling alone together makes sense. One car would get stuck, and need pulled out. An hour later, another car would get a flat tire. Two hours after that, another car would need to cool down. Over and over they stopped, until they discovered a new way to travel. When a car had to stop, the others would keep going. When that car was fixed it would keep going and probably overtake the next car that was stuck. The idea was at the end of the day, the first car in line would stop for the night and make camp. The others would arrive when they could. If someone didn’t arrive, the whole group would go back for them in the morning. It was a plan that kept everyone moving together, but required traveling alone within the group.

Jesus knew how to travel alone together. He was constantly surrounded by crowds, but he knew when to withdraw, when to take the disciples aside for some alone time. Jesus also knew when to take his own time, to go somewhere without the disciples. In the scripture above, Jesus has sent the disciples ahead of him. He knows he will catch up with them eventually, so he stays behind to pray, to be alone.

When we travel through the deserts of change in our lives, we often need to play this game of desert leapfrog. We need to travel with others, but we also need to travel alone. Doing both at the same time keeps us moving, following our compass heading, without becoming so exhausted we can’t go any farther.

Since we are generally mountain climbers, we are used to either climbing with others, or climbing totally alone. In the desert we must learn to travel independently within the group. We need both support and time to be alone. Desert activities like finding our direction, letting go of our goals, and battling our egos require time alone. Nobody else can do those things for us. However, we also need others. When we are together, we have support, guidance, companionship, and understanding.

Both aloneness and togetherness are necessary for traveling the desert. How much of each we need depends on the desert and on our own personalities and traits. Figuring out how much is enough alone time or enough together time takes discernment. There are no hard or fast rules about how to make it work.

At CRLC, we must also travel alone together. There are certain things that only we as an individual congregation can decide, determine, and learn. However, we are not traveling alone. There are many other churches who have experience with the desert we are traveling. They can help us by supporting us and companioning us on our journey. The Northeastern Ohio synod is another partner traveling with us. They can help us only so much. In the end, we as a congregation need to find our own compass heading, learn to let go of our expectations, and deflate our ego. We need these partners to help us travel, but we also must take on some of the work ourselves.

Food for Thought

* Who are some of the people that have traveled with you through a desert in your life?

* How do you find the balance in your life between traveling alone and traveling with others? Is there a certain way that works best for you?

* Make a list. What do you think CRLC must do alone? What can we do with the help of others? Are we working on those individual tasks? Why or why not?

Wednesday, 01 September 2010

When you are Stuck, Deflate: Look for Little Deflations

Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road, with a drawn sword in his hand: and he bowed down, falling on his face…Then Balaam said to the angel of the Lord, “I have sinned, for I did not know that you were standing in the road opposite me.” ~ Exodus 22:31& 34

In the church, we call this idea of little deflations, humility, or humbling ourselves, remembering that we are not the greatest thing in the world. And it is one of the ways that as we journey, we can find ways to keep moving and not get stuck.

If you get stuck for too long in the desert, it can kill you. You will run out of water. The sun will get hotter and hotter. It is dangerous to stay stuck for too long without moving again. The same is true in the deserts of change. If we remain stuck for too long, then something bad might happen.

In the story of Balaam, he allowed himself to become so stuck that it became dangerous for him. In order to get out of it, Balaam had to humble himself. He had to deflate his ego a little bit. He had to speak to his donkey. He had to listen to his donkey. He had to open his eyes. He had to realize his mistake and beg for forgiveness. Proud Balaam learns the hard way how to deflate when things are stuck.

For us, little deflations along the way can keep us from getting too stuck. These deflations often take the form of asking for help. We are so used to doing things ourselves, that when we need to ask for help, it deflates us just a little bit. It helps us remember that we can’t do everything on our own. That little extra assistance, or change in the way we do things, can save us from getting so stuck in our desert that the situation becomes dangerous.

In our society, we often get deflations backwards. We tend to deflate by doing things like deflecting compliments. “Oh, you are such a talented musician!” “Well, not really. It’s just a lot of hard work…” We deflate when really we should allow some of these comments to build us up, to support us on the journey. And yet, when we really do need to deflate, we refuse to let it happen. “I can do it all by myself!”

Small deflations are an important part of journeying through the desert. They also often bring a surprise along with recovery. Mr. Donahue gives the example of his wife and his relationship. They are divorced, but when Mr. Donahue needed help editing a book he was writing, he made an interesting discovery. He couldn’t do it himself. He needed help. And when he asked his ex-wife to help, he discovered that not only was it a good deflation for him, it also allowed him to see a new side to his wife, one that meant they could work amicably together. Deflations often leave us with surprise as well as a way to get unstuck from the current sand trap.

In our congregation, we may need to experience some small deflations. For so long we have had everything under control, but that is changing. We now struggle with financial issues, with a change in leadership, with slowly declining membership, and with general apathy. We are not the only church to feel this way, but we need to find ways to get unstuck, to deflate enough to listen to alternative plans, discussions, and help. Things will not always be the way they used to be, but perhaps in our deflations we will find surprising results too. Perhaps we will be able to see the world in new ways, and find a road through this desert that is filled with hope.

Food for Thought

* Think of a time when you have given in to a small deflation. What did it feel like? What happened? Did you find a surprise waiting for you? Did it get you moving again?

* Where is CRLC “stuck” right now?

* Can you think of a way we can deflate, ask for help, or let go of our ego that will help with the ways you see the church as stuck?

Friday, 13 August 2010

When You are Stuck, Deflate: Stop Pushing

Then the Lord opened the mouth of the donkey, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?” Balaam said to the donkey, “Because you have made a fool of me! I wish I had a sword in my hand! I would kill you right now!” But the donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your donkey, which you have ridden all your life to this day? Have I been in the habit of treating you this way?” And he said, “No.” ~ Numbers 22:28-30

When things didn’t go the way he wanted, Balaam beat his donkey. He pushed it to move forward, even though the donkey had never behaved that way before. This does him no good, and in the end, Balaam discovers that his donkey stopping is the only thing that saves his life from God’s angel.

When you are stuck in the desert, sometimes it is best to simply stop pushing, stop trying to move forward when you can’t budge. In Mr. Donahue’s travels across the Sahara, they learned that simply pushing the car when it is stuck in the loose sand, only manages to get it stuck deeper, like when you try to drive your way out of a snow bank without clearing a path, or putting down something that will help with traction. Instead of driving free, you end up sunk even deeper into the snow.

As natural mountain climbers of society, this may seem strange and unnatural. When you climb mountains, pushing yourself, mind and body, can get you to the top when it seems like all is lost. In the desert, sometimes a little push can help get you free, but when you’re really stuck, pushing only gets us more stuck than when we started. It’s like banging your head against the wall, repeating the same thing over and over and getting nowhere new.

To work though this, it is important that we stop pushing and take stock of the problem. What is it that isn’t working anymore? Which part seems to be the part that is frustrating? Where are we banging our head against the wall? We don’t like sitting and waiting very much, so our tendency will be to jump at the first alternative that sounds like it might work, but, it is good to sit with the stuck-ness for a while. We may come up with another solution that is even better than our first knee-jerk reaction.

This whole idea really goes against what we have learned all our lives as mountain climbers, but it is a lesson we need to hear, especially at CRLC during this time of transition. We are used to setting goals and heading toward them. We like having a plan and then implementing it. We don’t like waiting around because we feel like we are abandoning our ministry as we wait. THAT ISN’T TRUE! Sometimes, our ministry might be to stop pushing long enough to figure out why we are stuck. It might mean sitting with that feeling for a while as we discern where the future will take us. It might mean allowing the process to work, even if we feel it is a slow process with lots of waiting. Only when we stop pushing, will we really be able to find a way to deflate and get unstuck.

Food for Thought

* What are some things you can do to help you stop pushing when you shouldn’t? What can you do when you are not pushing, but waiting?

* Give some thought to a situation in your life where you are stuck in the desert. Don’t try to solve the problem. Pray. And then simply sit with the stuck-ness for a while.

* What is one place where you feel CRLC is stuck at the moment? Pray for the patience not to push, but to wait for a little while.

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

When You are Stuck, Deflate: Know when You are Stuck

God’s anger was kindled because [Balaam] was going, and the angel of the Lord took his stand in the road as his adversary. Now [Balaam] was riding on the donkey, and his two servants were with him. The donkey saw the angel of the Lord…so the donkey turned off the road and went into the field; and Balaam struck the donkey, to turn it back onto the road. ~ Numbers 22:22-23

In order to deflate when you get stuck, you must first recognize that you are stuck. The story of Balaam is an odd one. Balaam is hired to put a curse on the people of Israel. As he goes to do that, riding on his donkey, the Lord’s angel stands in his way with a sword, presumably to kill Balaam. Balaam’s donkey sees the angel and moves out of its way. Balaam beats the donkey. The next time, the angel stands in a narrow pass and the donkey runs Balaam into the rock wall to avoid the angel. Again, Balaam beats the donkey. The third time, the angel stood where there was no way to avoid it, and the donkey lay down in the middle of the road. Again, Balaam beats the donkey in an effort to make it go forward, but the donkey refuses. The Bible says that God opens the donkey’s mouth, allowing him to talk to Balaam. The donkey asks what he has done to be beaten in such a way…stay tuned for the rest of the story.

The important part of that story today though, is that Balaam did not realize he was stuck. He didn’t recognize that he wasn’t moving forward and that there was a reason for that. The number one thing to realize when we are stuck, is that at we ARE stuck, that we are not moving forward anymore. When we are stuck, we often feel flat, bored, uninterested, frustrated, angry, trapped, or helpless. These can be warning signs.

We might also begin to realize that habits that we have that used to get us moving again, don’t seem to be working as well. For example, if when you are feeling down or depressed after a particularly difficult day and chocolate ice cream used to make you feel better, but it doesn’t have the same effect as it used to have, or you find yourself needing chocolate ice cream every night, then your old coping mechanism is no longer working. When we start to see these things happening in our lives, then we realize that we may be stuck.

Knowing your compass heading is also another good way to know if you are stuck or not. When you have a direction, you can tell when you aren’t moving toward it. If you have trouble figuring out what your heading is, then being stuck can sometimes help you find that direction. It gives you a place to think about where you really want to be heading.

There are places around the church and ministry of CRLC where we can feel that sense of “stuck-ness.” I am not sure if I can give a specific example here, because everyone is probably stuck in different places. Perhaps you have been doing a ministry for while, and you want to move on, but you are feeling stuck in that ministry because others have not stepped forward. Or it might be that you wish to get involved somewhere but are feeling stuck about how to jump in, or how to offer a different opinion. The first thing to do, is realize that you are feeling stuck, then you can think about how to deflate.

Food for Thought

* Think of a time in your life when you can identify being stuck. Can you identify the feelings that went with that sense of “stuck-ness”? How do they compare with the list given above?

* What is one place in your life that you can identify as a place where you are stuck right now?

* Think about CRLC and your participation here. Where is the church stuck? Where are you stuck as you look at the ministry here? Begin to think about what you can do to deflate in these instances.